I've always been someone plagued by sadness. Not in a overwhelming way that always brings it into attention, but more like a constant feeling you keep tucked away in fear of it being seen, acknowledged, by even myself.



It feels like something¿s wrong with me, I have no valid reason to be sad. I have a good life, I feel lucky and happy where I am, but there's always that constant feeling of not being whole, a hollow ache in my chest that quietly ruins every interaction, every happy moment, every memory. Can you understand what I'm talking about? Do you also feel like this? The gnawing loneliness of feeling inadequate as a human being, the feeling of being unable to connect with others, the feeling of being different in a bad way.



I cry a lot, I cry quietly, for I am afraid of being seen. What would I even say? Not even I'm able to understand why I feel so sad all the time.



Sometimes is sadness, sometimes sorrow, some others melancholy and sometimes emptiness. For fleeting moments it all goes away.



I like myself the most when all the sadness is gone, and others seem to like me more as well.



Sometimes I can be sociable, meet new people and engange with them, but the charm always wears off, my sadness and the mysterious lonely person facade falls off and to them I stop being interesting. By the time I formed a bond, they're bored. I'd be bored too.





I would love to connect with someone, meeting someone who is and feels as rotten inside as I do and finally tell to each other it's okay.



I like being someone sad. It allows me to see the world in a different light. It has helped me know many amazing people who stay even when I isolate myself.



I turned 23 today, I still don't know why I am sad all the time. But I got time to figure it out. Someday I won't be sad anymore.